The Contemporary Nutcracker:  What It Means To Me

The Contemporary Nutcracker is more than a modern ballet.  It’s a feeling.  It’s the embodiment of the true Christmas spirit.  Henry Havelock Ellis described dancing as “...the loftiest, the most beautiful of the arts.  For it is no mere translation or abstraction of life, it is life itself.”  The Nutcracker, therefore, is an emotion, a true creative feeling of the holiday spirit.  We perform Nutcracker every year; this is the fifth year we are performing this amazing modern ballet and I still haven’t gotten tired of it yet.  In fact, my younger sister, Quinn, who is also in company, and I say after the spring show, “Yay! It’s Nutcracker season!”  We started saying that after one of the graduates of our company said that while carrying costumes to the car after one of the spring performances.
To me, the Nutcracker is so important to my life as a dancer.  When I started dancing five years ago, my first traditional performance was this Nutcracker.  I was a mouse and part of the Children of the Kingdom corps.  Now, I am in the Act Two variations and the Mouse Queen.  I dance in opening and flowers. The Nutcracker has created me into a dedicated dancer.  Duh, I’m part of the  company and dedicate 18-21 hours per week for class/rehearsal.  That leaves about 147 hours left for the rest of my week.  Minus 35 hours for school, I have 112 hours left.  Fifty-six  hours are supposed to be spent sleeping, not that I sleep that much;  that leaves 56 hours left for free time, if you can call it that.  That time is spent doing homework, reading, traveling to and from dance and school, eating, etc.  My time is definitely occupied with dance and school.
I’m growing more and more, and Ms. Dawn keeps pushing us to do better and better. I’m much stronger, more mature, and a better dancer than I was five years ago. Our technique is definitely stronger each year and I am learning how to juggle homework, dance, and sleeping for occasionally less than seven hours per night.  Yes, there was the difference of five years, but only time is not going to mature someone. Being 13 (turning 14 in October), I’ve had to mature quickly in order to keep up with my friends and level, and time and the yearly spring show haven’t done that alone.
Emotionally, Nutcracker has changed so much about me.  I’m a stronger person (mentally and physically), but Nutcracker takes away family time and I have truly felt the lack in that hugely.  My grandmother came here to Granger for Nutcracker and Christmas last year.  I wasn’t able to spend any time with her until after we performed Nutcracker.  The week of the performance, we typically have a least four days dedicated to dress rehearsals:  two at the studio, and two at the theater.  We can end up staying at the theater until 10:00 or 10:30 at night the two days right before the performances.  This year, because Nutcracker is right after Thanksgiving, my family can’t go home to Texas for Thanksgiving.  My family makes so many sacrifices for dance, like deciding not to spend a holiday with extended family.  Weekly, I spend about six hours and 15 minutes in rehearsal, learning, spacing and cleaning dances I have known from three years ago to learning them last week.
The last part of why Nutcracker is so important to me is indescribable. As Robert Frost said, “Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.”  That’s why I dance.  Dance picks up where words cannot go. The version of Nutcracker we perform is such a moving fairytale.  The pain Klara goes through, then the fear and sadness, then extreme happiness.  I love being a part of that.  The company girls are my family, and we are so happy for each other when we get a part we’ve wanted.  I was so happy when casting came out:  I’m Mouse Queen and Julia, one of my best friends in the entire world, is Klara.  It’s a wonderful chance to trust each other and learn to work together.  All of the girls in company, the girls I have known for years, are now my sisters, my wonderful family that I end up spending a lot of time with.  Every single time “Hands” by Jewel comes on the radio or plays during rehearsal, I automatically start singing along without even thinking about it.  I even have a playlist on my iPod dedicated to Nutcracker music!
Nutcracker is the most amazing thing I have ever done, and being cast in it creates an atmosphere in which I grow immensely.  Every single year, we are pushed beyond our limits. We are challenged to do more, to dedicate more, to perform more, to be more.  We set the bar high, and we exceed.  We create stronger bodies: our hearts beat stronger each year, we are more flexible each year, we are stronger each year, we breathe more deeply, we treasure our bodies more, our endurance is longer every single year.  We learn how to juggle school and dance, and try to fit in our other activities, like sleeping and spending time with family, in between. I only have Sunday as my day off because this is the only day that I cannot dance at the Conservatory.  I still dance on Sundays, though; you cannot stop a dancer from dancing.  As I have explained to my parents many times, I have to dance.  It is my life, the one that I choose to live and thrive in.  Nutcracker is way more than a modern ballet.  It’s a being.  Nutcracker in indescribable.  I can’t even express what it means to me through words, which all of my friends and acquaintances can attest to that being a rare occasion.  You just need to see it, to feel it, even, to understand how amazing it is.

Peyton